Another big step was all the sudden remembering how good I felt back when I was a firm 165. My confidence was out of control and so was my energy. Guess what? I also slept better.

Yes, these are all things I know. But once depression sets in it is quite difficult to shake. I do think I see the other side of everything though and am making small changes that will lead to the old habits I had.

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I’m so off track right now. The weight is tremendous. Embarrassingly high. But I will post it. It is embarrassing, but I will own my 185.

I know why this is. Literally, I went to school for my training degree. I know my health issues are a great excuse, but not the cause for the gain.

I know that I am responsible for the food and drink that have gone in to my mouth. All of those extra calories that I don’t need.

Yes, some of the not working out is directly health related. AT TIMES!!! Not the entire years worth of not getting back in a routine though.

I can still go and jog quite fast and still hit my 3.2 miles pretty easy. Cardio is still in tact. My time is actually better most days than it used to be. However, my asthma is worse. That’s an obvious since my diaphragm has to compete with my fat gut to get air into my lungs. Like the fluid in the lungs isn’t enough?

I jog and I can feel my belly bounce. My boobs don’t fit in my sports bras and it’s uncomfortable. Then of course none of my clothes are fitting well at all.

Hopefully by tossing this up it will wake me up. I have not been in a mindset to take responsibility for it. Hence the reason it keeps getting worse.

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I know it’s because I am in a bad mood and am tired of not feeling good.  I’m making a grilled chicken salad for lunch and no, I’m not going to feel better for doing it.  But the scale will thank me.  lol

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My next incentive was my big lower back piece.  Hubby has decided to get his tattoo and he said we will both go in for them!  WOOHOO, I am so damn excited to see ink on him and get more ink on myself!  But that was my incentive for hitting 155.  That means that I need to lose 13 pounds.

He is on weightloss goals now as well so I know we can get only healthy stuff in the house and more workouts.  But 13 pounds for girls is much more.  Especially since he has more to lose than I do.  But that is sounding like excuses and it is.  If I stuck to it, I could hit it in no time.  I’m committed to keeping it off forever and not the quick fix this time.

But I do want that tatt!  I have wanted this tatt for over 3 years now.  I can’t wait to get it.  After that, the sky will be the limit.  I’d honestly have no problem tatting my whole body up.  I LOVE IT!

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I was just talking to hubby today about what he wants me to bring down for dinner.  Nothing even sounds good because we’ve been eating out too much this week as we deal with things.  But he’s working a 72 hour shift and we need to go down to the station and see him.

I have a bunch of salads that need to be eaten and he said we can pick up baked chicken at our grocery store.  So we won’t be eating all that bad and I can get the others on shift today to help eat the salads.  I’m sick of them.  lol

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So right now it has to stop.  The next meal will be healthy.  Tomorrow will be healthy from breakfast one and breakfast will be at 4:30 am when I get up.  No waiting until I get home at 6:30 to eat breakfast.  That doesn’t work, it’s too long to wait to eat.

K, I feel better now.  Start right now and move forward.

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Yes, I do need to lose quit a few pounds.  But I am not committed to eating right.  So that is just not going to happen is it?  DUH!  When the time comes and I confront my poor eating and actually move to do something about it, then it will be the right time.  I am tempted to make it a New Year’s resolution, even though I hate resolutions.

I do look good.  I have a lot of muscle on.  My legs are stellar looking.  Yes, there is extra fat on too many areas.  If 20 pounds came off I’d be in
heaven.  But obviously that is not going to happen at this point in time.  I will keep on working out hard and impressing myself with how hard I can hit
it.  I will focus on adding more vegetables back in.  I can’t believe how much those have fallen out of many meals.  Dinner we rarely go without a veggie or salad, but the rest of the meals are lacking.  Oh and my sporadic eating is not good either.  I need to set up some kind of schedule in Jan.

I have to focus on how good I do look, not all the areas I don’t like.

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Anyway, I’m just having a rough week and the lack of internet is not helping.  I’m stressing about a lot of things and I’m feeling hungry because of it.  I wish I had gone to bed earlier last night so I wouldn’t have had that last snack.  I’m tired of the emotional eating and I’m tired of the emotional roller coaster I’ve been riding on this year.

I will stay at the gym longer than normal today so I’m away from food.  I have my snacks packed already.  Then I’ll just walk here and there, and do some shoulders today I think.  Abs are in order as well.  After my last appointment I’ll hit the cardio hard before coming home.  I’m just not in the mood to move off the couch.  I’m very glad that I have appointments so I have to go.  lol

PS.  I did a killer jogging workout with a client tonight.  Burned 600 calories for the day.  100 over my goal. 

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